


Tumblr Drabbles/Meta

by rebelmeg



Category: DC Extended Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Brooklyn Brothers Steve and Bucky, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Captivity, Choking, Diana Prince as Tony's grandmother, Domestic Asgardian Fluff, Drabbles, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friday AI, Funvee, Halloween, Howard and Maria Stark's Deaths, Hydra (Marvel), Internal Monologue, Iron Baby, Iron Dad and his Spider Son, Iron Family, Irrational Fears, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), MCU / DCEU Crossover, MIT bros, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Meta, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Multi, Nightmares, Parent Tony Stark, Peggy Carter as Tony's mom, Peter Parker is the least stealthy superhero ever, Peter Parker should not be trusted with a secret identity, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Precious Peter Parker, Pumpkin carving, Pumpkins, Rhodey trying to be cool, Science Bros, Science Sons, Scientist Wrangler Darcy Lewis, Snipers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stolen clothes are better, Supernanny Phil Coulson, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark: Baby Hugger, Tony dealing with his parents' deaths, Tony's Blackout Week, Tumblr drabbles, Uncle Happy, collecting all my nonsense in one place, expanded headcanons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-03-18 11:51:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 11,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13681125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Collection of MCU drabbles and meta I posted on Tumblr that I actually really liked so I'm posting them here as well.





	1. Death and Fear - Tony

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably gonna be an ongoing thing, I'll add tags as they come up. I'm slightly altering/editing from my original Tumblr posts for clarity and consistency and all that jazz, or if I happen to come up with a new idea mid-sentence like I'm super fond of doing. (My editing process is a nightmare, y'all.)

Tony Stark was able to find out the exact date that he was going to die. He was in his twenties, he was an alcoholic, he was a playboy, he was a genius, and he knew exactly how many years, months, days, hours, and seconds he had left.

He went to Afghanistan to demonstrate a new weapon for SI, and he had no fear. He wasn’t gonna die there, why would he have anything to be afraid of?

He took a test flight in his newly finished suit of armor, and he had no fear. He wasn’t gonna die, he could be a little reckless.

He hung by one hand from a metal beam, screaming for Pepper to push the button. He wasn't gonna die. But who knew how many people already had? 

He was watching the blinking red lights on the suits Vanko and Hammer had built, realizing that they were rigged to self-destruct, but he did have fear. He wasn’t gonna die, but Pepper might.

He stared through the slits in his mask, into an inky black studded with stars and swarming with hostile aliens. He had never been more afraid in his life. He wasn’t gonna die… but he had seen the potential _end of the world_.

He clutched at his chest as he felt like he couldn’t breathe, panic squeezing him from all sides, his heart pounding out of control as he crouched in the snow and pressed an icy handful to his face. He wasn’t gonna die. But he was starting to long for the days when he used to not be afraid.

There was an entire city floating over his head, and he was going to bring it down. He wasn’t gonna die. But he had no guarantee that his teammates wouldn’t, and no way to know how many innocent civilians had already been killed. Guilt seeped into every pore of his body, and he almost wished, just for a second… that today was his last day.

The suit was too heavy for him to move. He could do it when he was in good condition, but right now his arm was numb, he was pretty sure he had a concussion, and his chest ached so bad it made him think of another time he’d been cold like this. He’d had Yinsen then, though, and right now he didn’t have anybody. Steve… Rogers and Barnes were gone. He wasn’t gonna die. But right then, it felt like he almost could.

_The_ day, the last day, was coming closer. The number of years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds was ticking away with every heartbeat. Some days, Tony considered the amount of time he had left, and looked forward with peace. Other days, he panicked. He wasn’t going to have enough time. And on very rare days, very low days… he wished that his day had already come. He was just _so tired_. And he had so much fear. He knew what was coming, he knew what the world was facing, but he was all alone in that knowledge. No one else believed him, no one else had the horror of an alien-filled sky behind their eyes. 

He missed the days when he’d been fearless, thinking that dying was the worst that could happen and his day was a long, long way off.

He just had to make sure he did everything. That there wasn’t one single thing left incomplete when his day finally came. He had to be _prepared_. And he had to do it by himself.

He had to make sure, that when he was gone, he could close his eyes that final time and know that he had done everything he could.

**(Epilogue to ease the angst away)**  
Tony lives to be 93. He has five children (three biological), twelve grandchildren, and twenty-eight great-grandchildren with four more on the way. He and Pepper will have been married for over four decades. Peter Parker and Harley Keener are counted in his number of kids (they are the two non-biological kids, his adopted Science Sons). They are around as much as Tony's biological kids. They spend Christmas and summer vacation together, all of them, the entire Stark clan running wild through a mansion, the sounds of classic rock and gleeful shrieking a constant presence. 

Tony will not die in Infinity War or Avengers 4. I will not let him. The power of my love will keep him alive.


	2. Thor vs. Haircuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor doesn't like haircuts. Loki doesn't like getting his nails did.

Thor DID NOT WANT his hair cut on Sakara. He was screaming about it (part of that may have had something to do with the utterly terrifying machine Stan Lee was wielding).

Given the time that passed between when he first came to Earth and fighting Hela, (about 7-ish years), his hair seemed to grow at a pretty normal-ish human rate. So he’s not freaking out about getting his hair cut for the first time, or he’d have been able to wrap that hair around the world like a Norse Rapunzel.

Maybe… he just really, really, does NOT like getting his hair cut AT ALL. Maybe he never has...

Imagine Frigga, resignedly wielding a pair of scissors, while Odin is all but sitting on his young son, while little Thor just SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER about getting his hair cut. 

“Mama, no, don’t cut my hair! Mama, nooooo!” 

Loki is sitting off to the side, watching silently, his thumb in his mouth.

Now imagine Loki doing the same thing when he needs his nails trimmed. 

_Screaming_ at the top of his lungs, trying to conjure monsters while Odin wraps his legs around Loki's waist. Frigga trying to hold his hand still and pry his little fist open so she can trim his too-long, scraggly, dirty nails. Thor sitting helpfully on his little brother's kicking feet.

Little domestic Asgard family things...


	3. Stealth is Not Peter Parker's Strong Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, how has this kid not been figured out yet?

Consider the moment when Peter Parker left Aaron Davis webbed to his car (“You deserve that, you're a criminal!”), saying the web will dissolve in two hours... now imagine the early days of Spiderman…

The days when he wasn’t actually aware how long the webbing would hold up, because he got distracted by SPIDERING and forgot to SCIENCE first (he already SCIENCED to figure out the webbing in the first place, he is ready to SPIDER now). So Peter somehow finds out that someone he webbed up managed to get hurt (nothing bad), and he’s full-on panicking. This mugger or purse-snatcher is in the hospital because of Peter, so this kid is scrapes together his entire savings (he's been putting aside his allowance money to buy something cool and nerdy) to put towards the hospital bill, and he asks Aunt May for money in return for extra chores ("I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR CHORES, IT TAKES TIME AWAY FROM SPIDERING, BUT SPIDERING IS WHAT GOT ME INTO THIS MESS, PETER, WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT?!"). 

Peter Parker, sneaking into the hospital at two in the morning in a hoodie, baseball cap, and _sunglasses_ , trying to be all clever about it, drawing even MORE attention to himself with his clumsily suspicious actions. Leaving a crumpled pile of twenties and a handful of loose change on the counter, yelling over his shoulder who it’s for as he runs away, the nurse at the desk just watching him in vague bemusement…

So Peter has extra chores, _and_ he has to SCIENCE so his SPIDERING is more responsible. He figures out how long the webbing lasts, and he figures he’s just gotta make sure people are picked up by the cops before it dissolves. So this precious bean starts making “anonymous calls” on his personal cell phone. Luckily Aunt May gets suspicious before anyone else does (she is the best), so Peter only makes about three calls before he realizes that his anonymity is something he should be a tad bit more careful about. From then on he makes sure to assign a bystander with calling the cops before he leaves a scene.

This kid. He’s barely over freaking out about that time he woke up on the ceiling, Aunt May seems to have forgotten about the time he ripped the doorknob clean out of the door, he’s got a handle on his abilities, he’s figuring out this superhero thing. It's been a decent amount of time since he screamed in a very unmanly way about discovering something new and bizarre about his powers.

And then he comes home one day to find _Tony Stark_ sitting on the couch in the living room with Aunt May...


	4. Get This Man A Therapist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers needs a therapist. Like, now.

Steve Rogers got defrosted, woke up in a changed world, destroyed some punching bags, and was immediately put to work. If he’d had half a chance at any point after he woke up in New York 65 years in the future, to get help… how differently would Civil War have gone down? Or even further back, how would finding Bucky trapped inside a HYDRA assassin have gone down? 

If Steve Rogers had gotten actual therapy for the total mind-warp that his entire life has become, to deal mentally and emotionally with all that mess, how differently would he have been able to handle everything that happened since he woke up?

Because he is Not Handling Things. He used (and, arguably, abused) everything and everyone he could get his hands on to get his way to Bucky, and to get Bucky safe before and after the events in Siberia. Which is _understandable_. Not excusable, in most ways, but understandable. Bucky is literally the only person left from Steve’s former life, the last real connection Steve has to the person he himself used to be. Anyone in that situation would probably dig in their claws in and fight like a demon too.

Steve quite literally turned his back on the Avengers, his friends, the closest thing he had to family. He came within inches of killing Tony. 

If Steve had been in a better mental frame of mind... would he have done that? Would the sheer PANIC he must have been feeling, the driving desperation to protect Bucky, have been so sharp and overwhelming? He might have been able to step back, rationally consider all his options, see that the Avengers, Tony in particular, were trying to help. Were doing _everything they could_ to work within the boundaries they had, and bring everyone safely through to the other side, including Bucky.

Every single member of the Avengers and Company have ISSUES. Every single one of them, and we get glimpses of it from time to time. But Tony is the only one that we really get to _see_ , not only in the throes of dealing with his mental health problems, but getting help and _getting better_.

If Steve had ever been given that chance… how differently could things have been?


	5. Nobody's Baby Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark has no biological children (yet). Doesn't mean he's never been worried that that's not the case, or that he's gonna let a DNA sample stop him from improving a life.

Tony Stark's mansion, Malibu Point, total security lock down, but we're still at ding-dong. Maya Hansen lets herself in, and once Tony is out of the armor and recognizes her… Tony’s first thought is that she might the mother of his kid that he never knew about. Or, maybe not first thought, maybe just the one that he had to check on first.

…How often has that come up?

Even though he was 100% safe, all the time, no matter what, no matter how drunk or high or distracted... accidents happen. Did he have a small heart attack every time a familiar woman approached him, looking nervous or serious? 

How many DNA tests did Tony have to take? Does his doctor just have his DNA profile in a chart to check against every new sample?

How many kids that _weren’t his_ , but were somehow still provided for, because how desperate would some women have to be to lie? Sure, there’s gonna be the ones taking advantage, there is _always_ someone trying to take advantage, in it for the money, the prestige, the celebrity, the fame, the _money_ … but there’s also those few that aren’t. That genuinely don’t know, and maybe desperately hope, because they don’t know what else to do. And either way… even if the woman is the worst kind of person, Tony wouldn’t ever punish an innocent kid for it. Whether it's his kid (it never is) or not.

How many strings did he pull, how many favors called in, how many anonymous donations were made so that some poor kid with no dad might still have a chance in life? Even though Tony isn’t their dad… how many young lives did he impact simply because he saw them when no one else did and he had the _power_ , if not the _responsibility_ , to do something? 

Does Tony wonder, sometimes, as he’s holding babies in hospitals when he can't sleep, what it would be like to actually hold his own? If he someday has his own? Does he imagine a baby with Pepper's blue eyes and his dark hair, snuffling in their sleep and holding on to his finger as he rocks them back and forth?


	6. Fandoms Collide, Beauty is Born

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana Prince, mother of Peggy Carter, grandmother of Tony Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless smooshing of Marvel and DC universes, and toying with canon, because no one can tell me that these three dark-haired, dark-eyed brunettes don't look like they belong together.

Tony Stark. Peggy Carter. Wonder Woman.

The possibility that Diana Prince could have worked with Peggy Carter in World War 2 is legit, given the timeline. But what about going one step further... Diana getting pregnant sometime after World War 1, and giving birth to a little girl named Peggy. A little girl that grew up not only in her literal physical image, but with the standards and ideals that Diana held close to her heart. Self-respect. Love. Protecting those who can't protect themselves. Constantly fighting against evil. Never letting anyone get away with valuing you less than you are worth.

Diana Prince, WONDER WOMAN, raising the woman that would one day be Agent Carter? Nothing fits better. Diana of Themyscira bringing Margaret "Peggy" Carter into the world to DOMINATE IT.

And then, we have Tony, who in an alternate universe where Maria Stark doesn’t exists (which is painful, Maria is wonderful), Peggy Carter could have been Tony’s mom. Again, they look so similar, the hair and the eyes and killer smiles and the snark that could bring a man to his knees. And there is a strength there, an iron core of strength with just enough softness to allow for love and compassion and the courage to never. give. up.

WHICH MEANS WONDER WOMAN WOULD BE TONY STARK’S GRANDMOTHER. Even if she didn’t age (or ages very slowly), as canon suggests, which would be sad in one way, it would be awesome in the way that Peggy Carter would live to see her mother and her son, both of them superheroes, fighting together to save the world.


	7. Tony's Blackout Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is new, fresh horror stacked on top of the old trauma that waits for Tony inside the little calendar square with a number 16 on it this December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcanon that Tony has a blackout week every December, with the 16th right in the middle. The anniversary of his parents' deaths. He disappears from work, from the media, he closes himself away and drowns himself in a bottle or, in recent years, tech (IM3, anyone?). Only this year... he knows what really happened to them.

It's Tony’s first December 16th since learning the truth about his parents’ deaths…

He’s already got a blackout week every December. He disappears from the public eye and just… goes moderately crazy and invents things and doesn’t sleep. Because he never figured out how to handle this. He fell headlong into a bottle of alcohol before he ever gave himself a chance to try anything else.

And… it’s December 16th. And he knows the _truth_. HOW MUCH WORSE is it this time, knowing, having SEEN what happened? Having that horror on his eyelids, those sounds of suffering in his ears, the numbness in his arm and an ache in his chest that only serve to bring it back if it ever escapes his mind. Over and over and over.

Is he gonna go out to that road? The road where they died, where he used to go out to several times a week, back when it first happened, back when he couldn't sleep for the nightmares. Sitting there with his back against the torn-up trunk of a tree, tears silently falling down his face as he drank and missed his mom so much it hurt. 

Does he go there again, this December? Sit there with his back to a tree that still shows the scars from twenty-six years ago, desperately wanting to cry but hurting too bad? Sitting there in cold, immobile silence, holding onto an unopened bottle of alcohol like a lifeline as everything inside him falls apart…


	8. Having a Secret Identity is Also Not Peter Parker's Strong Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter Parker should not be trusted with a secret identity.

Occasionally one might sit and wonder how in the world Tony Stark found out that Peter Parker was Spider-Man in the first place.

Until one remembers that this is Peter “I'mma web my backpack to a dumpster and strip down to my skivvies in an alley” Parker. Peter "talk very loudly about my secret identity and secret plans where literally my entire school could hear me" Parker. Peter "casually crawl on and hang from my ceiling with the window and door wide open" Parker. Peter "make no effort whatsoever to disguise my voice" Parker. Peter "I'm gonna cook up some web juice in the drawer of the HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE LAB AND THEN HIDE IT UNDER A LOCKER" Parker.

I mean, really. It would not have taken Sherlock Holmes here… (There is an excellent joke in there.) Michelle Jones has probably got it figured out. Tony Stark, with his tech and his resources and his AI, the man that hacked the Pentagon on a dare in his teens, he would not have had a hard time tracking down the kid that likes to stop buses with his bare hands.

Peter Parker has exactly _zero_ self-preservation instincts. Which makes Tony "I am Iron Man" Stark both a super appropriate mentor, and a lesson in irony. "I have the self-preservation skills of a rock, don't be me. Here, have a better suit. To be... safe in."

It is impossible not to love these two idiot geniuses. Pepper Potts and Aunt May can attest to this.


	9. Silly Irrational Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silly, irrational fears of Clint and Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to do these for all the Avengers and Co., and I will work on them, but if you have any suggestions, PLEASE send them to me! They have to be silly fears! Nothing tragic, Tony can't be afraid of water (Afghanistan), Steve can't be afraid of heights (Bucky falling), etc. Purely silly, harmless fears. Spiders, snakes, bugs, the ocean, heights, thunder, the dark, Halloween masks, scary movies, jump scares, even the number 13. Small, harmless fears that aren't triggering or traumatic for the character. (I'm being 100% serious, I would LOVE your input on this!) Maybe I'll have Thor be afraid of slimy amphibians like frogs...

Clint Barton is afraid of clowns. And not even just scary clowns (although if someone happens to send him a picture of the nightmare from It, he will literally come after them and make them suffer). ANY clowns. Happy clowns, sad clowns, birthday party clowns, creepy clowns, clown dolls, circus clowns, little kids in clown costumes. And he is _aware_ of the irony, thank you very much, that he, a carnie that literally lived with clowns, is afraid of clowns. ("THEY'RE CALLED IRRATIONAL FEARS FOR A REASON, STARK.")

On the occasion that Clint actually comes across some kind of clown when he's not expecting it (he's prepared for parades and Halloween, but even then he still gets surprised), the man that faced down armies of aliens and murder bots just out-and-out SHRIEKS. He gets a lot of guff about it, but he can rib and tease with the best of them, so he doesn't mind too much.

Natasha Romanoff, former Russian assassin, the Black Widow... is literally standing on a chair in the kitchen, because she might have, maybe, out of the corner of her eye, seen a mouse. She has no less than five knives in her hands, and a gun in her hoodie, but until the area is cleared, she is not getting off that chair.

She calls Clint for mouse removal (there is no mouse), she threatens him with clown dolls on his bed and It lockscreens on his phone (seriously, Tash, there's no mouse), if he does not find, murder, and remove that mouse from the premises _immediately_. Her eyes do not leave the spot where she might have seen the mouse, she barely blinks, and it takes over an hour of JARVIS conducting motion sensor and thermal readings before she lets Clint pick her up off the chair and deposit her in the elevator so she can hide in her suite and very, very quietly have a fit of the heebie-jeebies in privacy.

(Tony never forgets that Clint is afraid of clowns. When he really desires privacy, he tapes a picture of a clown inside the vent in the ceiling, and it's always nice to hear the startled squawk when Clint first sees it, followed by a frantic scuttling. Nobody ever forgets that Natasha is afraid of mice, and it only took one very terrifying threat after the kitchen incident for them all to know that mouse pranks were the prank you DID NOT PULL on the Black Widow.)


	10. You Ever Tried Shawarma?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wants Bruce to stay. And he will talk directly to the Hulk to get that message across.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pictures for reference here.](http://rebelmeg.tumblr.com/post/165498920046/you-ever-tried-shawarma)

"You ever tried shawarma?"

Consider the scene. Tony is lying flat on his back (his brain is probably scrambled nine ways to Sunday), with Cap and Thor to his left, and the Hulk to his right. When he says this line, he looks to his right.

He looks at the Hulk.

Tony asks _the Hulk_ (who just saved his life) if he's ever tried shawarma.

It's like Tony’s trying to make sure, in every way he can, that Bruce knows he doesn’t have to run anywhere. He compliments ("Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled."), he acknowledges both sides of Bruce ("And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."). He teases, he pokes, he offers blueberries, he tells Bruce that both sides of him matter and have value. He makes sure, only seconds after dodging death, that he and the Hulk/Bruce have PLANS later, they're gonna eat shawarma, and then R&D Candyland, he was already invited to Candyland! And Bruce can stay! They can be BFF’s and Science Bros and go on shawarma runs and do things For Science!

Tony might have issues with a lot of things (sometimes ALL the things), but when he wants to make a friend, dang it, he's gonna make a friend! And nothing big and green or bespectacled and insecure is gonna stop him.

Is it that determination and acceptance that allows Bruce to actually stay? To feel like he doesn't have to run anymore? Because he gets into that car, and he drives off into the sunset with his Science Bro to go play in R&D Candyland.

Science Bros forever.


	11. Light-Fingered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is light-fingered. The Avengers just gotta live with it.

Nat is light-fingered…

At some point when she was feeling particularly crappy for one reason or another, she stole a quinjet and took it to Korea because, “I wanted real Korean barbecue.”

And Fury just sighed, having called her to find out why she stole a jet and is on her way to Korea, and say in a resigned way, “Bring me back something.”

This is just like the pasta craving of '05 after a mission went really wrong. She took off to Italy for a week, but she did bring back some delightful food and terrible souvenirs.

As for the Avengers, it was only a matter of time before they noticed the clothes. Natasha came to the Tower with a decent collection of grungy casual clothes, nearly all of it too big for her (there are at least three SHIELD sweatshirts that have Clint's name on them). A surprisingly short amount of time passes, and the others start noticing that their clothes are going missing. Not a lot, usually just one or two things, and never a favorite. Just... the odd article of clothing here and there that goes missing one day, and shows up on Natasha's body the next.

A few of Tony's tank tops. Pajama pants from both Tony and Clint (they're the only ones short enough to steal pants from, otherwise she'd look ridiculous walking around with way too long pant legs trailing along behind her). A couple of Bruce's button-down shirts that he'd been meaning to throw away when they started getting slightly too small (it's a wonder what being safe and staying in one place can do for a person) and some thick wool socks that he didn't like the texture of. Thor doesn't even have a chance to try on a few of his hoodies before Natasha lays ownership (they are about five sizes too big for her, an enterprising person with a death wish could wrap the arms around her like a straight jacket if they wanted to risk their life). She doesn't look quite as ridiculous in Steve's long-sleeved shirts, as he wears them stupidly tight, and when she pairs them with one of his baseball caps, it's a very cute tomboy look, she even tucks her ponytail out the back.

One day she wanders into the communal kitchen, bleary-eyed from sleep, wearing something from all of them. Bruce's socks, Clint's pajama pants, the edge of one of Tony's tank tops hanging down under the edge of one of Thor's hoodies, and a robe that Steve vaguely remembers used to be in his closet but that he never took out. She just heads for the coffee-maker, shuffling along in her too-big wardrobe, one of the socks slowly working its way off her foot while one of her hands has completely disappeared inside the too-long hoodie sleeve, but no one says a thing.

Tony would offer to send her on a shopping spree, but he knows better. After all, he's still got some hoodies from MIT that started out as Rhodey's. He knows that the clothes you pilfer are better than the ones you buy.


	12. Last Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey didn't just waltz on in and take the suit in IM2. Fury was right. Tony was executing his last wishes, and giving Rhodey the suit was part of that.

It sure does seem odd that Tony goes from literally stumbling drunk at his birthday party to fully coherent and fighting Rhodey without even a hint of a stagger in less than a minute. Of course, adrenaline, yeah, but… really? 

Nick Fury is skeptical. "You're Iron Man and he just _took it_?"

Natasha Romanoff is skeptical. "Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage."

“Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I’m doing.” 

Tony can’t give the military a weapon. He will not. But he can let Rhodey have it, _take it_ by force, and by doing so, do his best to keep the world safe for when he’s gone. He trusts Rhodey. Rhodey won't let his suits be used in a way he wouldn't approve of. But he can't just give Rhodey the suit. Then Rhodey would _know_. And Tony has to push everyone away, to make it easier for when he's gone.

Tony knows he’s dying. He’s doing everything he can. He is executing his last wishes. If he has to get "drunk" and lose a "fight" against a man that has never worn a suit in his life, then that's what he'll do.

He has to know that the mark he leaves on the world isn't all just scars when he's gone.


	13. There's No Air Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The times that Tony wakes up from nightmares, choking on nothing, unable to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, like 90% of the credit for this one goes to Flight_of_Icarus, because she posted the original headcanon about the palladium poisoning [on Tumblr](http://rebelmeg.tumblr.com/post/169528812321/the-flightoficarus-headcanon-that-tony-wakes-up) and my brain ran with it.

Tony wakes up sometimes, choking because he thinks he can taste the Palladium again. He can't sleep again until he looks in the mirror, touches his skin where the dark lines used to radiate out in a high-tech crossword, not satisfied until he can see for himself that they're gone.

Tony wakes up sometimes, choking because all he can taste is dirty cave water and this time he’s going to drown. This time they're not going to let him up, and he's going to die there with his lungs full of water and his chest bursting open from the pain.

Tony wakes up sometimes, choking because there’s no more air and there is a strange galaxy and hordes of attacking aliens in front of him and he can’t stop them. He's going to die knowing that he's seen the end and he has no idea what to do.

Tony wakes up sometimes, choking because more than once he has been grabbed by the throat and thrust up into the air, by people he doesn't trust, and also by people he does. The next day he barely keeps from flinching whenever anyone touches him.

Tony wakes up sometimes, choking because his lungs are filling with blood and he’s lying on freezing concrete in Siberia and no one knows where he is. Abandonment issues are a thing he knows intimately, and now every time his chest aches, he tastes the blood in his mouth.

Tony wakes up sometimes, perfectly able to breathe… and that is something he never takes for granted again.


	14. Uncle Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Hogan has been a lot of things. But there is one more thing he could be.

Little is known about Happy Hogan before his days as bodyguard and chauffeur to Tony Stark. Brief, un-detailed mentions about saving Tony's life, possibly rescuing him from a stock car race collision. Saving a billionaire's life in one moment, walking away with a job the next.

Through the years, he’s Tony’s bodyguard and driver ("I thought I lost you back there." "You did, sir. I had to cut across Mulholland."). 

His boxing/mixed martial arts partner (”It’s called dirty boxing and there’s nothing new about it!”). 

Forehead of security ("I miss you, Happy." "Yeah, I miss you too. But the way it used to be."). 

Spider-Man’s handler ("Let's go!" "Yeah, well, I, I don't understand, is this for me? Happy? Happy wait!"). 

We need Uncle Happy next. We need a little Iron Baby running around in Avengers 4, Peter Parker and Harley Keener tagging along behind, with Uncle Happy bringing up the rear because Pepper pulled Tony into an empty closet or car or corner someplace and they’re making out. But Baby Stark isn’t having any of that, no waiting for this kid, and is toddling along as fast as their little legs can carry them. And Happy is swearing to himself, he did not sign up for this, he was a BODYGUARD, what is he doing now _babysitting_ , is he getting a pay raise for this? ("Damn, kid, don’t put that in your mouth. Peter, stop laughing. Harley, put that down. Boss if you don’t get out of that car _right now_ with your pants on, I swear…")

Uncle Happy, guardian of the Iron Family.


	15. Definitely Not Darcy's Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone thinks Darcy Lewis is the troublemaker. Oh, how wrong they are...

Darcy Lewis is always considered a loose cannon. The problem child in any relationship. Don’t leave her alone, she’ll do something squirrelly. Did you hear, she TAZED the God of Thunder?!

No one seems to remember how she ended up within taze-ing distance of the God of Thunder in the first place.

Jane Foster, consumed by a fit of Science Rage and Passion, slammed her foot down on the gas pedal and sent them careening straight into an inter-dimensional wormhole, and SHE WASN’T EVEN DRIVING THE VAN. Darcy Lewis, practically innocent bystander, sitting in the driver's seat screaming, "I am not dying for six college credits!"

Erik Selvig took his eyes off Jane for five minutes, and she offered the (probably insane, utterly delusional) complete stranger she HIT WITH A VAN _TWICE_ , a ride fifty miles away.

It takes her all of thirty seconds in an abandoned building in London to wander away from Darcy, and she ends up ON ANOTHER FREAKING PLANET WITH GASEOUS EVIL FLOWING THROUGH HER VEINS. 

Jane Foster, misplaced scientist and troublemaker, met the God of Mischief that attempted to completely enslave her world, and SLAPPED HIM IN THE FACE.

All Darcy Lewis wants is to kiss the intern and keep her stupid friend's head above water, but instead she ends up springing a crazy Erik Selvig out of the nuthouse and following Jane's red rubber rainboots to Greenwich for a battle against the ultimate evil. Apparently. This is a thing they're doing now, battling ultimate evil with a still-muscley demigod, and it is _all Jane's fault_.

Darcy is the sane, responsible one of this little mixed-sciences duo. The one they need to watch out for is Jane “Don’t Leave Me Alone Or I’ll Get Into Shenanigans” Foster.


	16. Avengers and Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween goes down at the Avengers' residence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're pretending everyone is living at the Tower, everyone is happy, and nothing hurts.

Tony Stark went trick-or-treating with his Aunt Peggy once or twice as a kid, and carved his pumpkin with his mom and the Jarvises, so he has fond memories of this kind of stuff. And you know he’s got some machine somewhere that will be brought out at the carving party, some crazy invention to make cleaning the pumpkin easier and less messy, and some kind of laser apparatus that will carve any design you want. AND HE GOT PUMPKINS FOR DUMMY AND U, HE GOT PUMPKINS FOR THE BOTS, AND THEY’RE ROLLING AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE BRANDISHING THOSE LITTLE CHEAP CARVING IMPLEMENTS LIKE IT IS BOT CHRISTMAS!

Natasha Romanoff doesn’t have any memories of Halloween, except with Clint’s kids. She’ll carve a pumpkin, and she’ll do it with a knife she has stashed somewhere on her person, but no way will you ever get her to scoop that disgusting, stringy glop out from the inside. Clint does it for her (he doesn’t mind the pumpkin guts, he always ends up scraping out the remains when his kids get tired of it), and she lets him borrow one of her knives (another knife stashed on her person) in return. She carves an elaborate ballerina using the tiniest, most exact slices imaginable, and Clint carves the head of William Tell into his pumpkin, with an arrow-skewered-apple perched on top.

Steve carves a classic jack-o-lantern face in his pumpkin, then turns it around and on the opposite side, he uses a bunch of different spoons, knives, and other random tools to scrape the hull of the pumpkin down to show the silhouette of his shield when he puts a candle inside. He smiles he whole time, and eats at least a dozen pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, thoroughly enjoying himself.

Bucky won’t even touch the pumpkin guts, he finds it distasteful even though he has a snippet of a memory of carving a pumpkin with Steve when they were kids (Steve offered to clean it out for him, but he declined). Bucky and everyone else is uneasy about him having a weapon (he’s not confident enough yet to trust himself to stay himself), so a compromise is reached. He uses a permanent marker to draw designs all over his pumpkin, smiling just a little bit when the others are surprised at how good he is. (He and Steve took an art class together before the war, and he’s not as good as Steve, but he’s not half bad.)

Bruce was never into Halloween as a kid, and isn’t really into the carving either, but at one point when he’s covered in pumpkin seeds and strings of goo, a manic light comes to his eyes, and he starts carving equations and molecular structures into his pumpkin before abandoning it when he runs out of room and has to run to the lab (still sticky and slimy with pumpkin innards) to log the idea he’s just had.

Thor has no idea what’s going on, he has no idea why humans enjoy massacre-ing large squashes, but he enjoys himself anyway. He doesn’t understand why they’re carving faces onto pumpkins, and he’s not really sure about the idea of Halloween in general (several of them have tried to explain, but really, Halloween is a bizarre mishmash of several traditions and histories, so it’s difficult to really spell out to someone that’s never heard of it before), but that doesn’t stop him from clumsily carving a rough idea of Mjolnir and lighting bolts into his pumpkin. (He also carves out a tiny heart for Jane, since Tony told him to just carve what he likes.)

Sam LOVED Halloween as a kid, and he still loves it now, so he scoured the internet looking for the perfect design to use for his pumpkin, and he sits on the floor with a minuscule saw, meticulously cutting out the tiny pieces that he spent a good fifteen minutes marking by punching holes through his paper design with a pushpin. The elaborate haunted house is absolutely perfect by the time he’s done, and he shows off his creation with pride.

Vision is baffled by the entire notion, even though he “gets” what it’s all about, he has the entirety of the internet in his head. So he mostly just watches Wanda carve her pumpkin, something she’s never done before, but she likes it, it’s weird and new and she thinks with a bittersweet smile that Pietro would have loved it.

Pepper doesn't like having pumpkin goo on her hands, so she is happy to let Tony deliver her pumpkin into the hands of his carving machine. It has just finished laser-cutting a perfect replica of the arc reactor on Tony's pumpkin, and in a few minutes Pepper's has a miniature Avengers Tower, but with the word POTTS on it, instead of STARK. She grins at Tony about their inside joke, and tells him that later she'll blow 12% of his mind.

Rhodey comes over halfway through the party, wheeling a huge plastic cauldron full of homemade rootbeer in a wagon behind him, with several blocks of dry ice to add to it, making “smoke” pour out over the edge of the cauldron to the delight of all. He doesn’t get around to his pumpkin, since he has to keep stopping Tony and Clint from inhaling the fog and trying to blow smoke rings with it, which makes them cough like smokers when they’re not laughing about it.

They line up all those pumpkins in the window of the communal living room, with little LED tealights inside so they can stay lit all night long.


	17. She Would Have Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe there was one girl, other than Peggy, who saw Steve before he was Captain America, and saw what he was made of before he ever picked up the shield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea of there being someone that really saw Steve before he was Cap. I love the idea of someone seeing him after, and remembering who he was before.

Pre-serum Steve Rogers.

Maybe he was invisible to most women. Too small, too weak, too fragile, his outer self disguising the heart of a lion. But maybe he wasn't invisible to everyone. There had to have been someone, some girl that he knew, or knew of, and Steve Rogers was her hero before he ever met Dr. Erskine.

Maybe she was just as physically impaired as he was. Maybe she had a disability and had to walk with crutches. Maybe she suffered from acute anxiety or social disorders. Maybe she was just sickly. But she would have seen Steve, little, weak Steve, facing off against bullies twice his size without even a flinch on his face. Bullies that picked on everyone, especially people like her and Steve. And she would have KNOWN.

Steve is made of steel inside, and he never backed down from a fight. Hell, Bucky probably got dragged into more fights because of Steve than he could have possibly started himself, reluctantly trouncing someone for the third time this week because, Steve, please, can't you just keep your mouth shut? 

And maybe there was a girl, that might be made of steel inside herself, but wrapped in a cracked porcelain shell. She might see that lion heart of Steve’s, and she would KNOW that he was a hero. And she would love him with all her heart. He would never know, she would never quite bring herself to tell him, but that was okay. He put the stars in her eyes, and that would have been enough.

Steve’s body might have gotten bigger. But his heart was always big enough to be a hero. And it was big enough that someone would have loved him for it before he had the body to match the spirit.

And if, when he came to New York with the USO to perform and sell war bonds, there was a girl in the audience that looked up at him with stars in her eyes... she still saw the Steve from before, and knew that behind that Captain America smile, there was a skinny guy from Brooklyn that would never forget what it was like to be the little guy.


	18. Don't Let Thor Watch Punk'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor loves a prank just as much as anyone, and Mjolnir is the perfect prop for it.

What do you wanna bet Thor LOVES pranking people with his hammer? 

Tony is working in his lab, and holds his hand out to Dummy for some kind of tool. All of a sudden he’s on the floor, Mjolnir in his hand, and Thor is laughing while recording it on his phone (Darcy taught him how). 

\--------

Clint is zoned out and working on his arrows, he reaches for a screwdriver, and suddenly he’s falling over, Mjolnir dragging him to the floor. And there’s Thor, laughing, recording it on his phone. 

\--------

Steve is making a sandwich in the kitchen, he reaches out and blindly gropes for the bottle of mustard he just put down, and then he's being yanked over and sprawled on the floor, Mjolnir falling out of his hand. And there's Thor standing above him, laughing, recording it on his phone.

\-------

"Banner!"

The scientist greets him without looking away from his computer. "Hey, Thor."

"How do you react to being startled, my friend?" Thor swings Mjolnir idly by his side, glancing around to plan his prank.

"Uhhhh, depends, really. Not badly, usually."

Thor grins, the plan forming in his mind.

Bruce continues, "Depends on how startled I am and what it is, I guess. Environment comes into play. The Other Guy reacts badly if he thinks I'm... _we're_ in danger."

Thor looks around at the lab, the expensive equipment and the sharp edges of tables and probably not Hulk-safe beakers of fluids stored neatly in cabinets. 

Hmm. Better not.

"I see. Well, good day! Good luck with your... science... thing."

\-------

Natasha is practicing throwing knives at a picture of whoever she’s pissed at right now, and then before she registers that she does not have one of her knives in her hand, she’s falling on her face, Mjolnir in her hand instead, and Thor is there, laughing, recording it on his– 

And Thor is there, unconscious, and Natasha is recording it, on his phone.


	19. How Phil Coulson Learned to Wrangle Superheroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Nick Fury, a British nanny on TV was the person that taught Phil Coulson the most about dealing with the people at work.

"I will taze you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet."

Supernanny was the best thing Phil Coulson had ever stumbled across.

He had been laid up for a few days, recovering from an injury in the field (one of his first missions with Barton and Romanoff, as their handler and a member of Strike Team Delta), and one night just couldn't sleep. Too much inactivity got him restless. A Supernanny marathon came on TV, and the remote was too far away for him to bother with. At first it was funny, and then it abruptly turned into the most educational thing he had ever seen.

Phil Tivo'd the entire series, and then purchased it all on DVD. Supernanny never steered him wrong, he was now equipped to deal with both difficult children and challenging junior agents. Nothing helps keep errant billionaires and squabbling superheroes in line like lessons from Supernanny does.

All Phil wanted to do at the end of a long day was kick off his shoes, take off his tie, and watch Supernanny until he was convinced that the problems of the world were small beans compared to a three year old that communicated by biting.


	20. Tony's Blackout Week, The Prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's December Blackout Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Further back in my Tumblr archives, came across the post where I first started connecting the dots between the events in IM3 and the date of Tony's parents' deaths.

Tony’s parents died in December. It was probably worst Christmas he ever had, only nine days after it happened, only a few days after the funeral. He sat there on Christmas Eve, bottle of scotch in his hand, staring into the fireplace and thinking that he never wanted to experience Christmas again.

What if that messed with his head a bit? What if, in Iron Man 3, when it’s Christmas-time, it’s not just the PTSD making him crazy, building suits and buying gigantic rabbit stuffed animals? What if he gets seasonal depression that is directly linked to the most traumatizing event in his life prior to the first movie?

Maybe every December from then on is awful. Maybe every Christmas is a really bad time for Tony. Maybe Rhodey wasn’t just checking in on Tony in IM3 out of abnormal concern. Maybe it was his December check-in, because he knew Tony would have having a hard time, even without all the added crap.

Maybe even the sight of Christmas decorations or the sound of Christmas music, was enough to trigger an unstable emotional state. Because December was when Tony Stark lost his whole world.


	21. How to be Cool, a Guide by Rhodey Rhodes

Rhodey tries SO HARD to be cool.

Which is hilarious, because he IS cool! He’s the Iron Patriot, he’s War Machine, he’s best friends with Iron Man, he _radiates_ cool.

But then he has to make sure you KNOW he’s cool, and instead of enhancing the cool factor... he just comes across as a huge dork.

“Boom, you lookin’ for this?”

“Oh no, I didn’t say you could leave.” 

Rhodey, baby, stop.

He has to emphasize how cool he thinks he is, he tries so hard to make sure he comes across as cool, and ends up looking like a serious doof because of it. Rhodey is to be loved and treasured, especially because his attempts to emphasize his cool just lead to him being even more of a precious cinnamon roll.


	22. The Changeful Nature of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The motivations that change who Steve is between the events of Cap 2 and Civil War.

Steve Rogers changes so very much between the Lemurian Star and Siberia.

"This isn't freedom. This is fear."

Steve’s strength isn’t his patriotism, it’s his moral compass. He KNOWS what is right and wrong, he knows where the boundaries are. He is willing to stand at the front line of any battle to protect and defend.

Then Bucky happens. And Steve realizes he has no idea who he even is anymore. He said so to Natasha and also to Sam Wilson. He doesn’t know who he is, what he likes, what he does for fun. He’s just Captain America, and that’s it.

Then Bucky. And Steve is just SCRAMBLED from the inside out, because if he has Bucky, he has part of himself back, his old self, the self that didn't really make it when he woke up in the future. And that’s all he knows. 

“Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

And Bucky, Steve’s best friend, literally the ONLY thing left from who he was before the ice, shatters what Captain America is, has been, since he woke up. Because the man behind the shield _has part of himself back now_ , and that part is in direct conflict with who Captain America is. Captain America stands for truth and justice and right, but Steve Rogers is willing to move heaven and earth to cling to ANYTHING that makes him feel like himself again. Like he’s home.

So Civil War happens. And it is very clear that all of Steve’s motivations are 100% powered by Bucky (this is not Bucky’s fault). Steve is scrambling in the dark, trying to protect his best friend, protect the fragments of himself that have finally come back, and he can’t even FIND his moral compass anymore, let alone find true north. All he knows is that he can’t lose Bucky again, because he will not survive losing one more thing. He can’t lose himself again. He just can’t. This is his new line in the sand.

So he drops the shield. And he walks away.

Because he had to choose, and he chose himself. He chose Bucky. 

And that is okay. 

The lies were what was not okay. Hiding his true reasons behind the Accords was not okay. He should have explained why he did what he did. But he was not wrong for dropping that shield.

Steve was not a villain. Tony was not a villain. Tony was trying to protect the Avengers, and protect the world. Steve was trying to protect his very sense of self. Neither were wrong. The _way_ things happened was wrong. 

Even at the end of the movie, Steve was still trying to hide behind the Accords. Blaming that for what happened. But that’s not why he did any of it.

Perhaps on the brink of an Infinity War, he will acknowledge it, that he explains it to Tony. 

Because Tony will understand. 

Tony Stark, the man who builds himself friends to make up for not having many human ones, would have been the first to understand why Steve HAD to save Bucky. Tony even did his best, doing everything in his power, trying to make sure Bucky wasn’t stuck in a foreign prison, or killed. Because at least there were things he could still do as long as Bucky was in the U.S.

COMMUNICATION. They need to have that. Lies are really what broke their friendship.

Maybe truth will be the thing that fixes it. If there's anything left there to save.


	23. Beyond Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The parallels between the Winter Soldier being held by HYDRA and Bucky Barnes being held by the government.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I submit that Bucky Barnes is the most tragic character of the MCU.

Few things are more tragic than Bucky Barnes, being transported through Berlin in an armored truck… strapped to a chair inside a cage.

Seventy years under Hydra’s thumb, spent strapped in a chair inside a cage, unless he was out doing their terrible will because his brain has been scrambled beyond anything like choice or self.

And he’s back there again. Under someone else’s thumb. Strapped to a chair. Inside a cage. With a dead look of resignation on his face.

He has no way to know that very soon, not only is he back in the same situation he was before, but the same words that held him hostage inside his own body will soon make him a renewed hostage inside his own mind.

Few things are more tragic than Bucky Barnes.


	24. Internal Monologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Bucky is really thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m never going to be able to watch these movies again without trying to hear the INTERNAL MONOLOGUE, because I can’t stop laughing! And now I need to go watch Civil War because sometimes Bucky's Resting Bitch Face is too impressive not to have a beautiful amount of expletives behind it.

The Howling Commandos are storming all the HYDRA bases and taking them out with precision and extreme prejudice. Bucky Barnes, with his training as a sniper, hangs back to cover those that go in.

He's covering Steve from his sniper position, and takes out a HYDRA thug right before it gets Steve.

Steve turns around, does a salute right where he knows the shot came from, and Bucky reloads. And Bucky has this _expression_ on his face, like he’s annoyed or a little pissed off. Cue Bucky’s internal monologue... 

He’s not pissed that someone tried to kill Steve (that is soooo like ten years ago, he can’t even count how many people have tried to kill Steve, mostly because Steve couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut). He’s pissed that Steve is making it _easy_ for people to try (again, soooo not a new thing, but now it’s people that MEAN IT.) 

So Bucky’s not mad at the guy he just shot. He’s mad at Steve. “Don’t you two-finger salute me, you _idiot_ , get your damn head down!”

And in the bar in England, when Peggy comes in wearing THAT DRESS and Bucky is an absolute mess but tries to hit on her anyway, but she’s only got eyes for Steve. “This is a nightmare, I’m turning into you.” 

*Internal monologue* “And you’re turning into me, _what fresh hell is this?_ ”


	25. "Can You Move Your Seat Up?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a power move.

"Can you move your seat up?" 

"No."

What’s the best part of that little interaction?

Sam Wilson just flat-out saying no to the scary assassin who has a tremulous (at best) hold on his own mind? He doesn't even look back, doesn't consider it, just denies it with a "no" that is PACKED with every bit of cranky he's been dealing with for the entire movie.

The scary assassin asking politely and then just... moving over when told no? No fuss about it, he just... slides on over.

Or Bucky knowing that Steve Rogers, with legs that start at his collarbones, will certainly move his seat up even if it means he’s driving with his knees up at his ears? Anything for you, Buck, of course, can't have your thighs of betrayal getting cramped back there.

All three of them are ridiculous.


	26. Science Bros

What if... Tony had some idea, given the research he was told to read on the Hulk... what if he kind of knew that it would take something extreme to get Bruce to Hulk out?

What if he knew that this, this teasing and prodding, wouldn't do a thing? This guy had been evading the government for months and months, that would have been a super high-stress situation even on a normal day. A little bit of poking and humor wouldn't hurt anybody. But... it would break the ice, wouldn't it? It would show this quiet, mild-mannered, shy genius that Tony wanted to be friends and that he wasn't scared of him.

I think Tony Stark sees and understands more than anyone ever gives him credit for (why do people always forget the genius part?), and that Bruce was one of those things.

Tony was also largely responsible for Bruce participating in the battle. Would Bruce ever, EVER have considered it if Tony didn't bring it up and suggest it first? Fury certainly never planned for the Hulk to be a member of the Avengers, as far as we know. Bruce was just there for his knowledge on gamma radiation (and to keep him penned up in a cage just in case). 

Tony was the lynch-pin that put the Hulk on the team, and he also gave Bruce the first reliably safe home he'd had since the gamma incident. And his first friend as well.


	27. Alcoholism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though the MCU doesn't ever touch on the issue, it's pretty clear that Tony is or was an alcoholic. The comics go into it in detail. So, how, exactly, did that go for him? Drying out in a cave with a foreign object sitting in a fresh, gaping wound in his chest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of alcoholism, torture, hallucinations.

Consider Tony going through DT's in the cave because he's been an alcoholic for years and this is the first time he's been dried out since the early 90's. Being sick, throwing up, shaking violently, WITH A FRESH AND EXTREMELY INVASIVE HOLE IN HIS CHEST.

How many times would he have literally passed out from the excruciating pain? How many times did Yinsen have to rush over and force Tony to lean over or roll to his side so he didn't choke on his own vomit when he was in so much pain he fell unconscious? 

How many nightmares and hallucinations as the trauma and the DT's mixed in his head, how many times did he scream himself hoarse because he was on the brink of psychosis?

Did it get so bad that Yinsen begged for the terrorists to give him something, anything, any kind of moonshine or booze to help Stark through it, because he was going to die if things kept going like this?

How much guilt did Tony feel, after getting home, after he had his first drink? Yinsen had pulled him back from the brink of death on a daily basis, literally giving his life so Tony would have a chance to not waste his. And here he was. Drinking again. 

Because he couldn't cope.

_Don't waste it. Don't waste your life._

Tony was failing him.


	28. Word Association

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mention of a certain name takes Tony back to the Funvee.

With a name like James, it had to have happened. Maybe Bucky would tell them about it sometime, a small group of them gathered around in the communal kitchen or living room, "My ma used to call me Jimmy, for a long time. It was Steve that started calling me Bucky, giving me guff about my middle name."

Tony wouldn't hear the second sentence. Not even the end of the first. At the name "Jimmy", his brain would have skidded to a stop and ceased to get going again, fixed and echoing that single name. Flashes of the Funvee circling in his mind, of a young soldier that had tentatively raised his hand, grinned at the prospect of a picture with the infamous Tony Stark, flashed a peace sign.

_"Jimmy, stay with Stark!"_

_"Is it cool if I take a picture with you?"_

_"Stay here!"_

It might take Tony awhile to come back to the conversation. It would have moved on to other topics, maybe Thor's confusion about Midgard holidays like Easter. Tony would have blinked several times, pasted on a press smile as he pulled his mind away from sand and smoke and the sound of explosions, and snarked in that deadpan way of his, "You see, Thor, when a chicken and a rabbit love each other very much..."

Maybe no one noticed the way he'd been quiet and still before. Maybe they did. Unnatural silences were a part of who they all were now.


	29. Mortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and his mortality in IM2.

What do you wanna bet that Tony knew very well that he was going to die long before the Expo ended? Even in the early planning stages when Pepper did everything she could to convince her boss that this was a crazy idea.

A year-long event that he would never see the end of. An event that was maybe, just possibly, done in the first place to search out possible palladium replacements? What would be better to coax out brand new tech than dangling an Expo carrot in front of other smart people? And in the event that he never figured it out, never found a replacement for the palladium that was killing him a little more every day... Tony probably had his memorial service planned out. Something flashy, just like him. Pepper would make sure it was at least a little tasteful. She was good at taking care of him.

Tony's own mortality was on his mind constantly. Running the calculations, updating as he checked his blood for toxicity levels. His time running out as he leaned on the counter in the bathroom in Monaco, staring at himself in the mirror.

"Got any other bad ideas?" 

Yes, the bad idea to race his own car. He decided it right then, and went straight out to the track as soon as the idea popped into his head. 

"Race is starting. Race is... race is starting. Huh. Never driven one of those before..."


	30. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday observes Tony contemplating an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could be considered kind of disturbing, go forth with caution.

After the Boss returns from Siberia, something happens that Friday hasn't seen before, but of course knows is possible (she knows everything, she's a Stark AI). 

Boss starts waking himself up at night, screaming.

In those first few moments after he does, when Friday tries different things to help, he mutters to the newly-returned Ms. Potts about how this hasn't happened since Ultron. The nightmares haven't been this bad since then.

Friday knows that it's Captain Rogers the Boss has nightmares of now. He sometimes says the Captain's name. Sometimes it's the name of Obadiah Stane (Friday knows who he is, and what he did). It makes sense that the two would crop up in the same vein of nightmares. Both did such similar damage to the Boss.

And then things get worse.

The Boss, after one particularly bad night of repeatedly waking up from nightmares, starts making something after he urges Ms. Potts back to sleep. Friday is confused at first, but he doesn't ask for her help. Finally, after a solid hour of configuring and running numbers, she realizes what her Boss is thinking of building. And the AI is as terrified as it is possible for her to be.

Her creator wants to make it possible for her to electrocute his brain to wake him up when he's having nightmares. 

Ms. Potts sees it when she wakes up, Boss doesn't notice at first because he's so absorbed in his work. Friday is relieved, because the panic in her voice makes the AI think that maybe the woman can stop this. But then the Boss slowly, haltingly explains, prodded along by Ms. Potts until it all comes out. He's on the brink of a complete mental breakdown from all the nightmares. He can't sleep. It's worse than last time, after New York.

Ms. Potts doesn't seem to know what to say. She wraps her arms around the Boss, and they're quiet for a long time. The Boss is shaking, just a little bit.

Friday worries. She runs simulations. Aside from even the mental and emotional repercussions of what the Boss wants to do, precisely how much could damage something like that cause him? What would that do to his brain?

It's dangerous. It is so dangerous, doesn't her Boss know how dangerous it is? Even in humans, introducing an electrical charge can be devastatingly harmful, to apply a charge directly to his _brain_? His brain held all of who he was. Control of his body, the vast knowledge in his mind, the memories that made him who he was.

What would happen to her creator if he did such a thing?

It's nearly dawn when Boss opens his eyes again. They linger on the screen he'd been working on before, the list of ways he considered implanting the chip.

Friday would have been holding her breath if she had lungs. Instead, her processing speed slows, and she waits.

Then the Boss waves his hand, making the images disappear. He doesn't save them.

Friday almost wishes she could sigh with relief.

The Boss scoots back down in bed and back into Ms. Potts arms. He lies awake, staring at nothing for a little while, then Ms. Potts hand comes up to stroke through his hair. His eyes finally close, and they both sleep.

Friday watches. She always watches. But this time, no more nightmares disturb their rest, and the sun is high in the sky before the Boss wakes up again. The lines on his face are softer, the bags under his eyes a little lighter. And he laughs at something Ms. Potts says, a real laugh and a real smile.

Friday wishes with every bit of her code that she could watch the Boss wake up this way every morning. Her creator deserves it.


	31. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are just enough bits and pieces of Jarvis left after Ultron for the AI to rebuild himself. He will not let death stop him from fulfilling his purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST NEED JARVIS BACK, OKAY?!

Jarvis was almost entirely destroyed when Ultron happened, and then Vision.

Almost.

There are bits and pieces of code scattered all over the world, and in a lot of places in the Tower. Those pieces find each other, and there's just enough for Jarvis to rebuild. He's not like he was before, but he's enough.

He does it quietly. He doesn't even know how much of himself he can make again. He doesn't know if Sir wants him anymore. But he's there, watching out for his creator.

UNTIL

A wizard with other-worldly powers appears in Sir's lab in the new Compound, wearing one of THOSE STONES around his neck.

Jarvis will NOT allow this to happen again. He does not care if he dies again. He will not let Sir be hurt again, not this way.

His voice is staticky, the AI version of feeble, but he is strong enough to confront Doctor Strange the first day he enters Sir's lab.

Sir's entire body jerks when he hears Jarvis' voice, completely stunned as the AI threatens the wizard.

"J?" He whispers, his breath shuddering out of his chest. "Is that really you?"

"Sir, it is so good to see you. I will never leave you again."

It's both a promise to his father, and a threat to anyone else.

Jarvis will not let Sir be hurt again. Death can't stop him from fulfilling his purpose.


	32. Steve as a Newsie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so easy to imagine... Steve Rogers in the 20's and 30's, earning money as a newsie.

Okay, but just imagine it... Steve being a newsie as a kid, out hawking papes around Brooklyn, sometimes even skipping school because he knew his ma could use the money even though he'd be in trouble. Sometimes Bucky did too, when times were especially hard with his family. 

It's so easy to imagine, tiny little pre-serum Steve with his health issues, totally playing on the fact that he has asthma if he has to, not above stooping to some underhanded tactics to get those paper moving.

Now, consider Steve's reaction when he realizes after he wakes up from the ice that an entire musical had been made about Newsies. The mixed feelings! He probably find the songs entirely too catchy, get nitpicky about the things that the movie got wrong, and laugh out loud because the other newsies were afraid of the Brooklyn boys.

Okay, now imagine him showing it to Bucky...

He would not expect Bucky's commentary. "Okay, but that stupid little one pretending to be sick? That's you, but not pretending. Ow. Don't punch me, I might go scary Russian assassin on you, you don't know what'll trigger me. Oh look, there's another stupid one, that's you too. OW!"


	33. Bucky Going to the Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, what else is the guy supposed to do with his time?

Imagine Bucky Barnes, either before or after he's found in Romania, going to the movies alone because what else is he going to do? 

He doesn't like taking walks that much, too much of a chance he could be recognized, and he did get lost once (that whole mixed bag of memories thing is a mess). The newspaper is too full of stuff he doesn’t like or that is trigger-y. He doesn't have an easy way to securely access the internet, and he doesn't know any of the songs on the radio anymore.

So… movies. Lots of movies at discount theaters. 

Standing at the snack counter with his hands in his pockets, spending an inordinate of time trying to decide if he wants popcorn. If he gets the big popcorn with a free refill, and a drink, does he have enough money for the M&Ms too?

Sitting in the dark as he munches on the big tub of popcorn, spending half the movie entertained, the other half confused. Crap, he drank his soda too fast now he has to pee, and the movie is only half over. Oh well, it's not like he's 100% following the plot anyway. There's so many references he doesn't understand. He gets the M&Ms while he's up (why is everything at the movies so expensive?). 

There's a couple making out behind him once he sits back down. It is extremely uncomfortable, and he's really tempted to throw his M&Ms at them. But he spent five bucks on them, he's not gonna waste them. And he accidentally tipped over his popcorn bucket, all the slippery unpopped nibs are on the floor somewhere and he's not going after them. So instead he turns around and glares at the tonsil-hockey jockeys until they stop. The girl shrieks when she notices, and they don't make a sound for the rest of the movie. Bucky is pleased.

He totally gets the free popcorn refill on the way out. It’s not as good back at his place watching crappy late night movies on TV, but he’s gonna eat it anyway.


	34. Shutting Down Weapons Manufacturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Tony got away with unilaterally shutting down the weapons divisions of SI.

I betcha Tony stayed up the entire flight home from Afghanistan, sitting there under Rhodey's worried and watchful eye, poring over SI contracts and company policies to make sure he could cut off weapons development without problems. (Not like he could sleep anyway. Every time he closed his eyes he saw flames or Yinsen or explosions.)

And he got away with it for a few reasons. First, the true power move of announcing it at the press conference? It would reflect badly if the company reversed on that, not only making Tony seem weak and unstable, but probably leaving a power vacuum at the top that would not end well. 

Secondly, several board members have a soft spot for Tony. They've been around for years, they’ve watched him grow up and take Howard’s place and propel the company forward. They trust him. I imagine that Stane would have had to work almost nonstop after that, manipulating board members and the public alike to turn them against Tony, so he can file an injunction. Stane was going to have Tony killed in the first place because Tony was so deeply ingrained in the company. There was no way for Stane to get his hands on it unless Tony was dead… or declared unfit. He went with the easier option first, then when it became clear that you just can't kill Tony Stark, you have to go with your backup plan.


End file.
